Old Wilsonians report of Sunday's game

 

Old Wilsonians’ Sunday X1  177 for  6,  Crusaders  69  for  9

 

            Some fine swing bowling by Rod Warboys, 4 for 10 and Steve Millward 3 for 10, had visitors Crusaders in all sorts of trouble as they crashed to 17 for 7 in reply to the home side’s 177 for 6. The fact that they then managed to survive for another 22 overs, thereby scraping a draw, is to their credit although this was certainly a moral victory for the OWs.  However, in Simon Burr (21) and Steve Whale (11 n,o) Crusaders  had two players prepared to battle and defy what might have been seen as the inevitable.

            Earlier Nick Bier (100) and Ed Minnett (30) had got the Old Boys off to a fine start with an opening stand of 80 and with Clinton Hibbert (14) and Ollie Lovelock (11) also chipping in some useful runs, they were able to declare on 177 for 6 in an innings  which had been briefly interrupted by rain.

 

 

Old Wilsonians -v- Crusaders at Hayes Hill 20/08/06

It's not just the Pakistani's that are at it - allegedly. It is inexplicable to suggest that such a formidable batting line up as the Crusaders took to Old Wilsonians, could possibly find itself teetering at 17 for 7, unless some misdemeanours were being undertaken with the ball. I remove tongue from cheek before continuing. Alas no bottle-tops, nor pockets full of grit could be found to substantiate an appeal to the ECB and we were forced to accept an abyssmal display with the willow was purely of our own making.

With Grant still away the toss was comfortably won, coming up heads and we elected to field. That was the only high point of the game. Wilsonians built a steady foundation, with Bier scoring most of the runs whilst his young partner was 'coached' into form. Both Slightly and Goulash could have had wickets, but once again we started poorly in the field and allowed our hosts to push too many easy singles. The rain that had threatened finally arrived, making bowling and fielding that bit more difficult and The Old Boys continued to methodically build a total.

Spud eventually seperated the openers, bowling the junior partner for a well crafted 30 and Manjit produced his usual mixed bag of wides, long hops and jaffas, earning himself wicket number 24 for the season, with a classic incutter. With wickets in hand Wilsonians played more expansively and after a rain-induced early tea, Bier brought up an excellent ton. His joy was short-lived however, holing out off the next ball, as Danglers took his 500th club wicket. The declaration was finally made at 177 for 6, leaving us 50 minutes plus 20 overs to respond.

It was made apparent very quickly that there is no substitute for experience and in Warboys and Millward The Old Boys (in more ways than one) demonstrated several decades of expertise. The frailties of our batting were cruelly exposed, as both bowlers kept an exemplary line and got movement in the air and off the pitch to claim the first seven wickets, in twelve overs of mayhem.

It would be churlish to itemise the tale of woe, but here goes........Schultz -bizarre back of bat shot to slip/ Nitta -missed sweep l.b.w./ Channa - knitting fog clean bowled/ Grrreggains - slower ball clean bowled/ White - bowled through a very open gate/Manjit - mistimed wide half-volley back to bowler/Morrison - wild yahoo (slightly too soon) bowled by slower ball. 

A game that at the start had three possible results, now had only two and most likely just one. 

Goulash, our recognised MVP, lived up to his billing and set about repairing the damage, accompanied by Danglers, who's experience of 'backs to the wall' rearguard Crusaders performances must be second to none. Alas the 'Borer of Beechwood', having looked rock solid, thin-edged to the keeper and our buoyant eighth wicket stand of 16 was curtailed. If ever a skippers knock was needed it was now. His first task was to convince Simon that he was not Botham circa 1981 and that we really did have no chance of turning 33-8 into a glorious victory. Once this had been achieved Simon played as sensibly as his mental state permits and we set about navigating the last sixteen overs.

Wilsonians rotated through some junior bowlers, who all showed good control without the threat that the openers had shown and Spud and Simon had a quiet net. The Old Boys eventually realised that the result wasn't in the bag and introduced their two young quicks. Simon succumbed to a dab outside off stump, which was well taken at slip to end an excellent (given circumstances) 23 over vigil. This brought last man Silver Fox to the crease, a number eleven in the mode of a 'sighted' Chris Wilsdon and Wilsonians sensed the kill. Steve responded superbly to the task, dropping bat on ball to anything straight and opting to leave anything else, including one that missed the off stump by an inch. One last effort from the returning Warboys was rebuffed and Crusaders had survived.

If it were a boxing match the referee would have stopped the game to prevent the spectators suffering, but the 'joy' of the timed game is that you can be well and truly hammered and still get a result.

 

 

 

Catford Wanderers -v- Crusaders at Beckenham Hill Road 06/08/06

Simon Burr point-blank refused to reacquaint himself with his friends at Catford, so we welcomed Damon White for his club debut. Not even a kettle drum rendition of 'Could you be loved' could persuade Goulash to make an appearance.  Representatives of the St. Lucia Tourist Board were in attendance as part of Catford's centenary celebrations and they ensured that anyone within a half mile radius, hoping for a quiet afternoon in the garden could forget it. A throbbing bass crashed out a never ending crescendo of noise for most of the afternoon, which made communication on the pitch nigh impossible.

Our run of lost tosses finally ended when Damon called correctly on Grant's behalf and we elected to bat. Danglers and Gordy gave us a sound start, playing the ball on it's merits, or in Gord's case playing and missing on it's merits. Apart from a vocipherous lbw shout, we progressed to fifty without too many alarms, with only certain Catford players and Chand getting 'excited' about the careful way our runs were accumulated.

Soon after 'drinks' Darren, Gord and Chand departed in quick succession, but Pommie was showing promising signs that he would deliver a substantial innings. He was joined by the skip, whose current form is in a trough, only exceeded in depth by one at the bottom of the Atlantic. Grant played the perfect foil, ticking the scoreboard over whilst ensuring Pommie had most of the strike, in a partnership that realised 87 runs. In a display of indiscriminate hitting, Pommie blasted his way to a maiden club fifty, eventually falling for a fine 73. Cameo knocks from TC and Damon took the final total to 193 from our allotted 40 overs.

Grant, our mild-mannered skipper, delivered as stern a lecture as he can give, in an attempt to prevent the poor starts we have had in the last couple of games. Spud and Manjit responded with excellent opening spells and were well supported in the field, to ensure Catford would not find runs easy to come by. Manjit removed one opener and maintained fine line and length in an eight over spell that cost only 23 runs.

Catford then enjoyed a steady partnership that threatened to carry the game in their favour. Buoyed by a partizan crowd and regular suggestions from the DJ as to where the ball should be 'licked with the tree pound willow', the home side started to gain the upper hand. With Danglers nursing a tweaked back - an injury that allegedly neither involved sexual activity nor drink - our bowling looked a little thin. Pommie bowled with aggression and beat the bat on numerous occasions, whilst Chand again bowled a tight line. This ensured that not too many boundary balls were conceded, with the young Catford batsmen having to scurry for singles. On a sultry afternoon this inevitably took it's toll, as Franklin attempting an expansive drive was bowled by Nitta.

The fall of a wicket can often change the course of the game and so it proved. Suddenly Crusaders had their tails up and Catford looked nervy. Spud was recalled, taking three wickets in a four over stint that ensured the required rate was ever increasing. With wickets in hand Catford remained in the hunt and required 24 from the final two overs to win. 

The first three balls of Nitta's over cost eleven runs. All shoelaces and sharp objects were removed from the away dressing room. Regaled by Marley's 'No woman no cry' he conceded only one run from the final three balls of his spell, setting up a 'Grandstand' finish.

Decisions....decisions. Who to bowl the last over ?  Creaky back Moyse, the skip himself, or the man who appeared least affected by the fearful din we had been forced to endure, our very own Carribean King.

Whistling along to 'Dont worry about a thing' Gordy stepped up to the plate. For those (particularly - the scorer, DJ and the arrogant opening bowler) who are not sure of the events in that last over, it went like this.

(wide, dot ball, two runs, no ball, three runs, dot ball, two runs, one run/wicket from run out attempting the second to tie)

Despite much protest the game was over and we had won by a single run. The majority of our opposition were magnanimous in defeat, with only one feeling the need to continue his grievance into our changing room. Our new recruit Damon, showing a remarkable grasp of patois, delivered a playful kick up the backside while asking him to 'get oot me dressing rooom'. (it sounded more West Indian than it looks)

Quite why Simon had got so agitated about playing in this fixture is beyond me.

 

 

Blue Bell Hill -v- Crusaders at Common Road 30/07/06

Grant made it a record ten successive defeats with the coin and tasted defeat on the pitch for the first time since he took the reins, as Blue Bell Hill comfortably defended their 201 total. 

On a firm, dusty track Blue Bell Hill got off to a good start against the new ball attack of Moyse and Burr. Neither bowled particularly badly, but the ball found it's way to the boundary far too easily. Cricket is a team game, but in more than most team games, individual duels on the pitch can shape the course of the result. As we found at Hurst Green, one player of undoubted quality can be the difference between two teams. Blue Bell Hill had an opener of nowhere near that quality, but he was good enough to take advantage of any generosity that was on offer.  His score of 114 cobbled together an otherwise unimpressive Blue Bell Hill innings, that with chances taken and better fielding would have ended far short of their final tally of 201.

After 58 had been taken from the first eight overs Grant took the pace off the ball, turning to Chand and Spud and this slowed the run rate down. With runs not coming so easily BBH reorted to some rash shots. Gord took a fine catch at mid-on, trapping the ball via chest and forearm and then came close to repeating the feat from a chance offered by their top scorer Sams. Spud helped himself to a couple of wickets, Chand added another and all of a sudden we had a foothold on the match. 'Slightly' roared back into the attack, mowing down three bunnies and Goulash deservedly claimed the wicket of Sams, when Spud pouched a catch at long on.

Blue Bell Hill has normally attracted scores of 200 plus, so considering our plight early in the proceedings, to keep the target as low as 201 was not a bad effort in the end. If they had any bowlers of medium pace or above, Blue Bell Hill showed no inclination to use them, preferring to offer no pace at all to the batsmen. Nitta was typically aggressive from the start, hitting three boundaries and Wajih was content to play the anchor role. The pitch offered variable bounce and the slope also made timing difficult, as we toiled to get the ball away. With the exception of a sixty run partnership between Wajih and TC, at no point did we look comfortable. When pushing the ball around for singles was all that was needed, we seemed unable to do it and a scorecard that shows eight of our dismissals were caught, goes some way to explaining our problems. The middle order disintegrated and when Wajih fell for 59 our hopes of victory went with him. A swashbuckling last wicket stand of 22 between Gord (21) and The Crab (11*) added some decency to the score, but it was too little too late.

 

Meantime Brewery -v- Crusaders at Greenwich Park 19/07/06

Crusaders completed their midweek programme in the Park with another narrow victory against Meantime Brewery. Meantime elected to bat and made steady, if unspectacular progress against our front-line bowlers. Skipper Reynolds was in no mood to spread the bowling load, preferring to use the tried and tested (and usually pretty poor) combination of Burr, Taylor, Carr, Channa and the Singhs. In the absence of Spud and Slightly it was no surprise that Meantime lost only 4 wickets compiling 114 from their twenty overs.

The response was a reminder of the 'good old days' of Crusaders cricket as we cantered to a match winning position and then teetered to the brink of defeat before scrambling home in the last over, with a wicket to spare. After the early losses of Golden Arm and TC, Wajih and The Oz bedded down, scoring freely, each reaching 25 and retirement. This brought new batsmen to the crease and initiated our demise. Despite Chand's blustery 21, no one was able to stay with him, as Simply, Basil, Nita and Slapdash all went cheaply.

Meantime were once again slow to bowl their overs and the fading light became even more of an issue, when play was delayed after a fielding collision prostrated two of Meantime's players. Wajih became villain, catching 'Slap' at long on whilst substitute fielding and all of a sudden we were in complete disarray. In scenes not disimilar to a Samurai film, Skinny and Goulash honourably fell on their swords, though in Simon's case Wajih had to  drag him on to the blade, so that we could recall our retired batsmen. A couple of wides and two sweetly struck boundaries from Waj and it was all over.

 

Theydon Bois -v- Crusaders in Bandit Country  23/07/06

The following report is penned by The Big Oz just prior to his extradition (sorry departure).

It is with some sadness, that I write this first (and possibly last) match report for you, the wonderful men of the Crusaders. As token Antipodean, my place amongst you has always been one of fragile acceptance, knowing that one day I would be cast to the winds, back to the land of cold fizzy beers and exceedingly talented cricketers. And, alas it has come time to venture forth, leaving a team of such quality and panache that the choice of going has been a torturous one indeed. But hey ho, life goes on, foreigners are a dime a dozen apparently so if you forget -  my name was Richard.....

The match against an untested Theydon Bois was all too brief and predictable I'm afraid to say. From the moment my talismanic captaincy status broke the back of an unprecedented nine toss loss run bt Stonewall Reynolds, the outcome seemed carved in stone.

Openers Chand 'Boutros Boutros Gali' Channa and our aforementioned skip-in-stasis set off at a steady pace, taking in some 'junior delights' while forging a solid start. Controversy seemed the only way this partnership would be broken, as some determined appealing from the boys and a touch of imaginative hearing, gave Grant some reason for a pause in accepting Neeta's poisoned decision of caught behind. An unusual sight from our always honest skip, but wholly justified one feels. (editors note - typically ungentlemanly, uncouth Australian opinion)

I would love to be able to now add that, on coming in for my last innings, that the bowling was to my liking and that I managed another useful innings for the Crusaders' cause, finding my touch then proceeding to crunch the ball to all parts. But, after Chand gifted his wicket to the opposition, on an admittedly slow pitch, my own demise followed swiftly after, dollying the simplest of top-edges to an exceedingly keen wicket-keeper. Please feel comfort knowing that, although my disappointment seemed muted at the time, I have now come to terms with the pathetic way I fizzled out in my last dig, against Theydon's 'yoof' policy. Feel free to revel in this knowledge. I'm hoping your beers will taste sweeter remembering me this way.

Wajih and Gordon then set about upping the rate, but again the sluggish nature of the track took it's toll, with our always fluent 'bat-dispenser' falling for a looped catch, much to waj's horror. But with death comes new life and Manjit was the life our innings needed. Those that hoped for sedate watchfulness were dismayed as our man 'Johnny Walker' set about carving every ball possible to as far away as he could, whether it was hittable or not. This ploy worked very well though, as his vital innings provided the back-bone of a respectable total. Vital late contributions from 'biffa' Morrison and 'snikko' Singh rallied us to 175, which seemed more than enough, considering the lack of pubic development to come.

Tea was an adequate yet slightly bland affair, only being saved by what I have been told is an Essex staple of salad cream with the sandwiches. (Grant seemed pleased, so there must be some truth to this tale)

Not surprisingly our total, coupled with some outstanding opening bowling from 'Just18' Moyse and 'Whisky makes me frisky' Singh proved to be more than a match for the pups and their earnestness. Manjit has now opened a wide gap in the wickets tally for this season, with a bag full of quality scalps. Not to be out done, the two wise old campaigners in Mr Moyse and Mr 'here come the headlights' Whale showed what years of the craft can do, with raw aggression and wily cunning cleaning up the leftovers.

What seemed like a possible chase after ten overs soon became a fight for survival, as the innings was wrapped up on 91 by a jubilant Mr Whale, thwarting the outgoing 'Mascot Captains's' wishes to leave on a bowling note. But he's fine with it....honestly....doesn't lie awake at night dreaming of what should have been....not at all.....it's playing that counts really.

Thankfully my final time was spent with you guys as it should always be, having a beer and a laugh, enjoying each others company and sharing good times. I'm glad that my token captaincy resulted in a win and a great game all round. I' m honoured to have played with such a wonderful group of people and shared so many fond memories and I feel privelige to have contributed my services to a team that stands for quality cricket and joyous celebration of life in general.

Thank you and take care always

Richard

 

p.s  The showers were ordinary, bordering on crap. Now I know why the Silver Fox stands for what he does.

 

Footnote  -  Richard Carr is now available for sugary, sentimental Oscar Acceptance Speeches. No ammount of schmaltz too much.

 

 

Crusaders -v- Earlswood Strollers at London Nautical School 16/07/06

Perhaps we were suffering a hangover from last week's excellent display at Downham & Bellingham, but our performance in the first ten overs was as bad as I can recall in 24 seasons of Crusaders cricket.

Neeta struggled with line, length, run-up, rhythmn (is there anything i have missed?) and Manjit was his usual 'spray' of wide, too short and then virtually unplayable. Earlswood were given plenty to feast on and did just that. Wide balls were dispatched through the covers with consumate ease and over-pitched deliveries were returned past the bowler. As a fielding side we immediately looked leaden-footed and even a couple of wickets falling failed to lift spirits. Dare I say we missed the inane chunderings of Chand. Credit to the skip for persevering with Neeta for six overs, as he did eventually start putting the ball in the right areas. He took the important wicket of Houston, albeit with a widish half-volley, that was somehow spooned up to mid-on for Slapdash to take a running catch. Manjit had made the initial breakthrough, moving the ball away from the left-handed Gale to dislodge the off-stump.

Spud and Goulash were first change bowlers, with Spud relying on the tried and tested formula of keeping it straight and on a good length. This method earnt him nothing in the wickets column, while he witnessed the eccentricities of Simon at the other end collect five wickets. Whatever Golden Arm stepped in, Simon must have rolled in it. Half-track deliveries that should have been heading for the boundary, were either missed or miscued. On another day Earlswood would probably have got away with some indiscretions, but today the ball either went on to hit (or land on) the stumps or was athletically caught. In between Simon's three awful dismissals - two magnificently caught by Gordy at point - he did find time to bowl some decent stuff, completing his five wicket haul when Spud took a fine one-handed catch at slip.

From a position of strength at 68-2 after ten overs, Earlswood contrived to lose the plot and though most of their batsmen looked reasonable no one was able to play a sustained, sensible innings to hold things together. Earlswood failed to use their full quota and were dismissed for 154.

Richard in his penultimate game batted suffering the effects of some dodgy pizza and in between yawning and breaking wind he was his usual brutish self. Please Sir admired from the non-strikers end. In fact he appeared to be at the non-strikers end even when he was batting. Skinny contributed a mouth-watering 6 runs to an opening stand of 60, before his turgid occupation was ended. Wajih 'joined the party' and any hopes that Earlswood held of a similar collapse to their own were soon dispelled. A couple of mighty sixes (no change of bat needed) and we were in striking distance of the target. The Oz had collected another swashbuckling fifty, dealing almost entirely in boundaries, so it was with some surprise that he lethargically answered Wajih's call for a quick single. His turn of pace is not world-renowned, but today his ailments made him even more sloth-like. Barely past the middle of the pitch, Earlswood were gleefully removing the bails and sending him on his way.

Slapdash made a brisk 8, with two lofted boundaries, before Wajih completed the job.

 

 

Downham and Bellingham -v- Crusaders at Rangefield Road 09/07/06

Fish and Chips, fish and chips, well bowled, good line, good line, Crystal Palace, ha ha ha, two, two, two. Lalloo, lalloo, shabish, shabash, shabooley. I've wound up another side.

report from Chand Channa

For those not able to understand the rambling buffoonery that is Chand, there follows a translation.

Crusaders selected a strong eleven for the visit to Downham and were rewarded for a fine team effort with victory in the final over. Having suffered at the hands of just one player last week, we knew that Downham would provide strength in depth and ability right through their eleven, as we potentially faced another arduous afternoon. Grant called incorrectly for an eighth consecutive time and Downham elected to bat.

Danglers and Skinny made sure there was no repeat of last week, maintaining a good line, which forced the batsmen to think defensively. Any thoughts of poaching quick singles were soon dispelled, when twice Chand narrowly missed the stumps with the batsman well short of his ground. Spud repeated his excellent spell of last year, returning 1-10 from eight overs and Supermarket Sweep worked his way into a good spell, taking two important wickets. The inevitable onslaught in the final ten overs, did not reflect how well  Pommie and Mike bowled. Downham were finally dismissed in the final over for 177.

This is definitely the Rolls Royce of teas on our circuit of games and we were some way into our response before Danglers and Please Sir decided their thirst for tea was slaked. As with our bowling and fielding, we started positively with the bat, scoring seven boundaries from the first three overs. Unfortunately we lost  Wajih and Neeta in the first six overs, both falling to the spin of Sawyer. The impetus gained however was never lost, as Pommie lived up to his self-assessed batting prowess and Timmo continued to plunder runs. Tight bowling from Downham's Kent Over 50's player Chris Mendham dragged them back into the game, but he was unable to repeat the five wicket haul that won them the game last year. Chand, in his own inimitable style, took his time and batted with rare common sense. With a mixture of aggressive strokeplay and well run singles, he ensured we kept up with the required rate, scoring eight 4s and a six in a match winning unbeaten 58.

 

 

 

Hurst Green (James Beany) -v- Crusaders at Drewett Field 02/07/06

 

Not since the days of Dominic Walker have we been forced to watch leather being bashed to all parts of the ground in such a manner. In James Beany, Hurst Green had one player in unstoppable form. A blistering opening five overs, which saw fifty runs posted was just a taster to the most destructive batting we have had the misfortune to be on the wrong end of. Analysis of our bowling is far too painful, especially as my figures bear the worst scars. It is enough to say that we have bowled and fielded far worse and bowled teams out for half as many. The savage onslaught was only ended by a 'charitable' declaration, with our hosts 277-3 and Mr Beany unbeaten on 192. Quite why Hurst Green didn't allow him to bat to a double ton (two more balls would have done it) nobody knows, as the game as a contest was all but finished.

Crusaders showed honest endeavour pursuing an unlikely target, with Jagdesh and Neeta finding the boundary regularly. Wajih compiled another aggressive fifty, but when he was out and Chand followed for a duck our chances of an improbable victory had gone.

It's one thing for your 'guest' to have a good bat, but to then bowl him for eight overs to try and win a Sunday friendly beggars belief. I doubt very much if Mr Beany will be a regular feature in Hurst Green colours, but as a member of their club I would be disappointed if I was paying the same subs. ( he's just hit me for 87 runs in 14 overs and now he's trying to take my f****** head off - sorry rant over)

A responsible innings (apart from a couple of wild yahoos) from Gord and some resolute defense from Spud, against some short-pitched bowling, ensured a draw was comfortably achieved. 

 

Ashburnham Arms -v- Crusaders (20/20) at Greenwich Park 29/06/06

 

Even Bill couldn't conjure up a close finish, as Crusaders ran out comfortable winners against the Ash.

The Ashburnham Arms won the toss and had the temerity to bat, but other than Hall (29*) they had little to dent the cornucopaic (sorry made up word) array of bowlers at Webby's disposal. Spindles Warne and Golden Arm both bowled off ridiculously long run-ups and this theme was followed by Neeta, Pommie and Basil, effectively cutting at least ten minutes from my drinking time in the Ashburnham.

Bill was able to spread the workload on all ten outfielders, with Basil the pick of the bunch. Reminiscent of Tony Greig he swung the ball menacingly and deservedly bagged two wickets. This is surely a talent to be seen on a Sunday.  The Ash closed on 115-9.

Gord slapped his first ball straight down long ons throat and Basil continued a dismal season with the bat, but big hitting from Jagdesh (25*), Matt (25*) and Neeta (30*) made victory a formality. A lalloo run out of Please Sir, with only three needed did force Spud out of his comfy chair - minus pads and gloves - to accompany Pommie to the necessary runs.

 

Meantime Brewery -v- Crusaders (20/20) at Greenwich Park 21/06/06

 

Bill 'Gillette' Webb the master of the close finish, once again pulled victory from the jaws of defeat, just after he had seemingly plucked defeat from the jaws of victory. Forced to leave early due to work, your reporter can only guess  what transpired.

The Oz (18) and Chand (25*) gave us a good start, which was continued by Neeta (19). Scoring was steady throughout the twenty overs, but there were no real fireworks and an alarming number of dot balls, considering we had a host of quality batsmen in the hutch. Gillette (25) and TC (21*) were the other main contributors to a final score of 121-4.

Spud bowled a tidy three over spell before departing and Please Sir picked up a couple of early wickets to put us seemingly in control. Things obviously spiralled out of control after this, with Jagdesh and Chand taking some fearful tap. Chand in particular was so awful that Bill had to bring himself on to slow the run rate down. With Meantime closing in on victory Webby pulled out his trump card. He unveiled a cardboard cut-out of the folks back home and turned to 'Nunfer' Carr. Richard duly ran through the final three wickets, including two returning batsmen and victory by one run was achieved with an over to spare.

 

Dartfordians report courtesy of Danglers

 

Dartfordians -v- Crusaders at Bexley 18/06/06

 

The Crusaders arrived at Dartfordians fairly traumatized at the despicably late pull out of Mike Taylor who was rumoured to be shopping in Bluewater for the missing 1/4 length of his trousers which incidentally were described in the telegraph last weekend as 'an inexplicable fashion abbhoration'

 

However both teams were buoyed when they learnt that the rambling buffoonery of Chan would be absent

 

Grant once again lost the case and we were put into the field.  But within a few overs Crusaders were on top with Danglers bowling with pace and aggression 'its just like the old days' and Simon who having decided to bowl line and length rather than long hops was surprised to see that this worked and both bowlers got a deserved wicket each.

 

Change bowlers Manjit 'hows that' Singh and new guy Goldi kept the pressure on with Manjit perhaps under less pressure without the 'state the bleeding obvious'  call of 'line and length' from the absent Mr Whale, bowled a good line although still managed to throw in a long hop which of course got him his wicket  Goldi bowling a mixture of pace and spin also grabbed a pair and we even had the novelty of Neeta catching a ball without throwing it to the floor.

 

Other fielding highlights included Woji attempting to disprove Newton's law of gravity by giving up on a ball as it went up hill and slowed down so much that even a man of Woji's snail like pace could have caught.  Greggains as ever made some athletic stops in the field and lightning like throws to the keepers arms and Gordon got his customary cut finger.

 

The innings was finished off for 128 by Mr Carr's yorker followed by yorker bowling which earned him 2 wickets, one a fine stumping by the keeper, and the end of Danglers magnificent spell which earned him the oopo's highest scorer and  another 2 wickets and included 'a great slower ball'.

 

A magnificent tea followed with pizza, pasta and even jelly and cream

 

The  mighty Richard on his 100th game for the club proved once again what a great player he has been for the club and what a shit runner he is by taking the attack to the opposition straight from the start.  He was supported by a slightly out of form Woji who looked as if he had other things on his mind, perhaps having dismantled Newton's gravity law earlier he had moved onto his doubts regarding the theory of relativity.

 

Goldi joined Mr Carr and proceeded to smack the ball all around the ground before departing for a rapid 23.  Mr Carr kept the score moving along despite losing Neeta for 0 and Manjit for a sensible for 5 minutes, 9.

 

The Rock like Greggains joined Mr Carr and had time to cause controversy by calling the bowler for a no ball before being bowled by the same ball!  Neeta was the umpire at the time and called the bowler for a no ball for bowling behind the wicket! but it was ok as he had warned him before for bowling a legal delivery!

 

Richard then finished the game off for a relatively easy 6 wicket win and finished with an excellent unbeaten 79

 

Afterwards Neeta was put on suicide watch and Simon proved that having 2 TV'S on top of each other was not enough by having another one on his mobile!

 

Orpington -v- Crusaders at Orpington Sports Club 11/06/06

Crusaders were on the wrong end of a comprehensive mauling at Orpington, experiencing defeat for the first time this season. Wajih won the toss and chose to bat on what appeared to be a reasonable track, but we struggled to build on a strong foundation and failed to get close to the 200+ score needed to make a game of it.

Gordon (41) shared close to fifty runs with both Wajih and Chand as we posted ninety in the first twenty overs, but instead of accelerating we lost a steady stream of wickets, whilst just about maintaining the four and a half runs an over scoring rate. Orpington were a young and enthusiastic side ; something that we can only dream about. They bowled efficiently, without having any great bowlers and were quick and effective in the field.

Orpington made light work of the target, losing only one wicket chasing the target of 184. Where we had trouble hitting the boundary, Orpington seemed to find the ropes once an over with ever increasing ease. A tight start was needed and although 'Golden Arm' removed an opener, Danglers was being 'Sketchleys' at the other end. Orpington cruised to victory with two overs to spare, without having to take chances, as we sadly went through the motions. It is a sign of the times that I cannot recall the last time we experienced such a caning, which is testament to the side we have assembled. Every now and again you need to experience disappointment in order to appreciate the good times. Hopefully this was just a bad day at the office.

 

Meantime Brewery -v- Crusaders (20/20) at Greenwich Park 07/06/06

Crusaders recorded a 14 run victory in their first 20/20 game of the season at Greenwich Park. Spud won the toss and elected to bat as he was still awaiting the arrival of a few players.

The Oz and Sumo gave the innings a typically robust start, immediately playing big shots . Richard reached 27 with a six and made way for Manjit, who hoisted a huge maximum over square-leg before sending up consecutive aerial bombshells, the second of which was caught. Neil M and TC departed in quick succession and Chand ran himself out. Neeta joined Richard on the 'retired' list, scoring five boundaries in his unbeaten 27. The remaining overs were used up by Goulash, Please Sir and Dale Winton, who added 43 in the last five overs to carry the score to 130.

Meantime had taken an eternity to bowl their twenty overs and Crusaders set out with a level of urgency to ensure maximum time in the Greenwich Union. Spud and Danglers shared the first six overs and virtually ensured victory. Taking a wicket apiece they restricted the scoring to just 13. Spud avoided the obvious PRV and turned to the supermarket sex-pest. GT, never one to disappoint, delivered a veritable feast of nibbles on which our hosts gorged. The next four overs produced 40 runs and with Goulash still to bowl Meantime had every chance of cantering to victory. Two of Meantime's bats reached retirement, which exposed the tail to the Singh Boys. They gleefully mopped up. Golden Arm took a catch, admittedly from his own bowling and Neeta picked up three wickets from two overs. Even allowing for Simon's generous leg-spin, Mikey's variation and an over from Neil, Meantime could not up the required rate, finishing on 114 for 7.

We were then treated to fine fare in the Greenwich Union, with Danglers showing remarkable dexterity in beating the Oz to the last fishcake.

 

Old Colfeians -v- Crusaders, Eltham Road 04/06/06

 

Richard Carr fell agonisingly short of an eighth club century, as Crusaders maintained their good start to the season with a comfortable victory over the 'Old Boys'. Wajih, captaining for the first time, called correctly (a feat Grant has failed to achieve) and asked to bat. Colfe's were far from an 'Old Boys' side, fielding a spritely young eleven for this forty over fixture.

Goulash and Supermarket Sweep (making his first appearance of the season) replaced Grant and Skinny in an eleven that had depth in both bowling and batting. Richard, desperate for runs before his departure back down under, almost carried his bat, while holding together an unconvincing Crusaders batting display. Only a scratchy 28 from the 'predatory shopper' a lusty 19 from Simply and a stubborn, dull, dour unbeaten 16 from Danglers added any substance to The Oz's hard-hitting 96.

Colfes bowled accurately throughout and fielded energetically on a slow outfield, that gave little value for shots along the floor. At the half way stage we were well set at 98-2, but a flurry of wickets amid poor shot selection meant we never had the opportunity to accelerate to the projected score of around 230 and had to settle for 205-9 at the end of forty overs.

Flapjack, Scones and Beef and Horseradish Sandwiches supplemented an excellent Cup of Tea as we were treated to another excellent tea.

Colfes began in confident fashion, looking to run quick singles and keep the scoreboard ticking over. 'Slightly' continued to bowl an excellent line, from the top end, without deserved reward, whilst Golden Arm Manjit continued his great start to the season. The opener chased a wide ball and was well taken by Sumo and the dose was repeated when Manjit bowled a much better line to trap the other opener. An alleged Surrey Colt (he told Tesco Timms he was, after dropping him)  gave Manjit a bit of tap, causing some alarm, as the score started to mount. He wasn't wearing his County jumper much to Glen's dismay, though it was also too hot for Timmo to put on the one he got in the Charity Shop, to make himself look like he attended Public School. Neeta eventually took a fine overhead catch to end his brief innings after he had decided to try and smash every ball Manjit bowled regardless of it's merits. Colfes continued to take on suicidal singles and could have lost three or four wickets to run outs, instead of the one success that Simon achieved. Pommy, Spud and the Sainsbury's Sex Pest then strangled the runs out of our hosts. As the runs dried up Colfes reverted to desperate slogging and this contributed to their dramatic demise. When Simply took his third catch of the game our hosts had stumbled to 103 all out with nearly eight unused overs. 

 

Linden Park -v- Crusaders

Fir Tree Road, Tunbridge Wells 28/05/06

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crusaders made hard work of notching their third victory of the season, the winning runs arriving off the last ball of the penultimate over. Despite heavy rain during the week Linden Park's home looked as splendid as ever, even though the clubhouse was out of use due to a recent fire. Our hosts opted for a time game and we braced ourselves for a lengthy stint in the field. Previous games have taught us that a declaration is not normally forthcoming inside three hours, so it was down to us to bowl Linden Park out. Lack of a match ball and two of the starting eleven, meant a substitute fielding role for Spud, until Sumo had completed his Aunty visit and Wajih had negotiated the trials of the M25.

The skipper turned to that redoubtable duo Danglers and Skinny to open the bowling. Mike's contract obviously states that he is to be kept on until he gets a wicket, as there can be no other reason to allow his mediocre abilities to stretch to thirteen overs. Either that or he holds some dark secret of the skipper's indiscretions in Eastern Europe. Slightly was bowling as well as ever on a surface that was neither helping the batsman nor the bowler. The slow pitch gave the batsman time to play any threatening deliveries, whilst the fact the ball was holding up made it difficult to time any attacking shots.

Spud's stint with the gloves ended with the arrival of Neil and Wajih and shortly after Darren made the breakthrough. Manjit came on at The Rocks End, continuing his 'Golden Arm' season with a wicket in his first over and wickets then tumbled at regular intervals. Mike eventually stopped forlornly appealing for ridiculous lbw's and got his man courtesy of Neeta's juggling catch. Richard proved the pick of the attack, maintaining a good line to collect another three wickets.

Linden Park struggled throughout to up the tempo and there were fears that tea would be some time after five, if we didn't bowl them out. Fortunately the tail had an honest heave-ho and the signal for the last over had already been made, when Neeta took the final wicket via a Sumo stumping.

Highlights of the tea interval, scotch eggs apart, was tea from a cup and saucer, even though the cup didn't fit the saucer - first class effort.

At this point your match reporter and Ex-skip ventured to The Beacon at Rusthall, to be refreshed by a choice of Landlord, Larkins or Harvey's Best. Teased by the impressive range of beer and general ambience of this superb pub, they decided it would be churlish not to sample all it's delights. On returning to the ground we were brought up to date with proceedings. Pommie's hankering for a slot up the order had ended in dismal failure and Chand and Wajih had endured a stodgy start. Runs started to flow only when both bats started to use their feet.  Wajih was looking particularly like the fat bird on 'Strictly Dance Fever', some of his moves not too pleasing on the eye, but the 'vote' of the Linden Park fielders keeping him in the game. 

Victory looked a formality, until Chand succumbed to some heckling from his own umpire to get on with it and promptly got bowled. Richard and Sumo fell cheaply and the runs virtually dried up. Wajih, after notching his third fifty of the season finally found a catcher. Grant looked to be steering us home until he steered one straight back to the bowler. Manjit inevitably tried to finish the game with a lusty blow and all of a sudden it had become very messy. Five wickets had fallen for twenty runs, Neeta was rapidly slipping his whites back on, Moysey was reminiscing the dark days of the late eighties when such collapses were a weekly occurence and Gord, who was next man in was putting the score up, in a fetching pair of flip-flops. Roared on by a partizan crowd, Linden Park were unable to turn the game on it's head completely, with Gordon turning the ball off his legs for the winning runs.

 

 

West Peckham -v- Crusaders at West Peckham 14/05/06

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crusaders could not muster the necessary fire power to dismiss our hosts,  on an overcast day at the picturesque West Peckham village green and had to settle for a draw . Excellent driving from Simply enabled Dangleurs and Spud the time to throw some delicious Trumpeter down their necks and although Darren claimed to be struggling after a heavy session with Beer and Youngteen, he seemed particularly keen to get back to the pub after finding out we were to bat in order to imbibe some more. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Strokeplay was made difficult due to a pitch that offered indifferent  bounce and pace. With every player in the starting eleven having a club fifty to their name (Mickey T apart - no surprise there) and the ground having modest boundaries,   there was much talk of record totals. The Oz set about the bowling in typically bullish style, finding the boundary from his first delivery and peppering an early six into the churchyard. His assault ended when his off-stump was dis-lodged by a fairly innocuous ball and this brought about a mini-collapse. Gordy shuffled across to a ball that didn't get up, Wajih fell to a fine return catch and Sumo followed in similar style to Richard. The skipper steadied the ship, accompanied by a strangely subdued Chand. Had he decided not to upset the opposition for a change?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

West Peckham did their best to ensure they didn't send down too many overs and only a late unbroken stand of 35 between Danglers and Spud carried the total to a respectable 180.

 

Once again tea was a sumptious affair in the cosy confines of The Swan, before we set about trying to prise out our hosts. Spud and Manjit were again entrusted with opening the bowling and immediately put a stranglehold on scoring. Manjit, as enthusiastic as ever, bounded in taking three quick wickets in his spell, but from then on West Peckham became entrenched in an effort to save the game. Neeta and Danglers could not find a further breakthrough and even Gord's aerial bombardment, that brought memories of the blitz,   failed to make a breakthrough. Our catching, that had been so good last week returned to it's normal shabbiness, with several chances going begging. A couple of senseless run outs, superbly executed by Chand and Danglers though they were and a wicket apiece from Carr and Taylor, were not enough as West Peckham crawled to 105 for 7 at the close.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More pints of Cygnet completed another enjoyable afternoon on the green.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Charlatans v Crusaders at Woolwich Barracks 07-05-2006

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crusaders made their second visit to the scenic Army ground, with only the occasional police sirens and obligatory White Lightning supping drunk, giving away its Woolwich location. Once again, we left with the spoils despite Chand’s best efforts to throw the game.

 

 Spud and Danglers returned to the side, having watched Yeovil ensure Division One status the previous week and The Oz and The Crab also made the starting eleven.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grant called incorrectly and was invited to bat, on a green track and an outfield that needed a trim. Last week’s wordy correspondent opened the batting, accompanied by GPS. Gord was soon back in the hutch, playing extravagantly all around a straight one and Richard was well caught by Ricketts (that’s the player not a debilitating illness) behind the stumps. Wajih was riding his luck and testing the catching prowess of most of the opposition. Generously they spurned chance after chance. The Claw looked in the form of his life, before his little legs were not quite quick enough conveying him for a single and he was run out – again!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Both opening bowlers had made good use of the pitch and made runs hard to come by. Fortunately, for us the change bowlers were not able to sustain the pressure. Wajih started to cut loose, Chand played his natural game, and the scoring rate started to climb. A fine stand of 81 was broken, when Chand had his stumps rearranged. Wajih’s occupation came to an end when he was bowled (well he was never going to be caught) for 86. Grant made a brief cameo knock, Manjit wasted no time at all and Danglers and Pommie found time for a comic all run four, before our innings closed at 157-7. Even with the late flurry of wickets Charlatans did not feel the need for any exponential fielding positions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tea, which included some delicious homemade humus, was taken with confidence high, that either we had the armoury necessary to restrict or bowl out our hosts, on what still appeared a bowler-friendly pitch.

 

Charlatans made a similarly stodgy response to the start of our innings, with Spud and Manjit ensuring runs were not easy to come by. The initial breakthrough came from a run out, with Spud removing the bails almost as an afterthought, after a lobbed throw from Chand had seemingly given their batsman all day to get in.

 

At this point, a gentleman from the MCC happened upon the ground, proffering audible advice to the Charlatans batsmen. Surely just by ‘using their wrists’ they could break free from their shackles. Manjit and Spud then shared a wicket apiece, before Danglers produced an athletic overhead catch, that will surely further reduce his life expectancy. Still the Charlatans batting guru pleaded, though by now it was incomprehensible dribble. Danglers and Pommie maintained the stranglehold that we had exerted, with Moysey bowling particularly well (so he told me afterwards) and Pommie varying his pace to good effect.

 

 In the absence of Ghoulash Burr the PRV, Grant decided to dangle a carrot (or in this case a channa). Deepak, who had bowled well, now had the chance to shine with the bat. In the space of three Channa overs, Charlatans put themselves in pole position to win, requiring eight an over from the final six.  Pommie returned, bowling in tandem with Choker Carr. Using a wealth of psychological experience, Danglers tricked Richard into believing his Mum and Dad had turned up, with the resulting three wicket haul turning the game back in our favour. Charlatans chase finished on 126 and a victory margin of 31 runs for the club.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brasted Invicta -v- Crusaders at Bayham Road, Tunbridge Wells 30/04/06

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Could the team of 2006 possibly compare to these doyens of Crusaders Cricket from yesteryear.......... I expect so.

 

Back L to R   -   Neil 'Tubby' Clark, Spud Whale, Glenn' Lofty' McMahon, Bill 'Captain Birdseye' Webb, Gordon 'feel free to insert features' Schultz, Steve 'Silver Fox' Martin, Glenn 'Softy' Timms,

 

Front   -   Mark 'Darkie' Paine, Barry 'ooh aargh' Gayle, John 'Mr Baldy Head' Braithwaite, Neil 'Sumo' Morrison, Jim 'LSC...Nosperm...Dutch Porn Star...Anyone seen him lately' Clements.

 

Reporter - Wajih 'bats'r'us' Rehman

 

This is a regular fixture for the Crusaders, however the change of venue meant that we had to start the match  with only 8 men; since some of the players (namely Mikey "skinny" Taylor and myself) decided to take the more scenic route to the ground.

I don't know who won the toss, but we were batting first, and our intent was evident with the dynamic opening duo of Chand and Gordon.

Both batsmen seemed to be progressing cautiously despite trying their best to run each other out. Gordon's dismissal brought an end to the eventful
partnership, which brought myself to the crease hoping to steady the ship...or at least for a while anyway.

I think I had been at the crease for four deliveries before Chand who was obviously in consolidation mode, decided to chase a ridiculously wide
delivery outside off-stump, resulting in him lobbing up a catch in the covers.

The claw then stepped up to the stage and steadied proceedings by doing exactly what was required and not allowing the opposition to claim anymore
easy wickets. From that point on, with exception to the Skipper being run-out, the innnings generally progressed quite well, with contributions all the way down the line-up and a notable cameo from Manjit, who took an understandable liking to the whiley off-spinner.

The innings ended on 185 or 187 or something in that region...no one really knows what we scored as we had our resident tax man, GPS Gordon manage the scorebook and then struggle to reconcile some of the runs.

However the opposition were happy to proceed in chasing 180-something.
Crusaders' bowlers were in top form as Pommy and Mikey each put in an impressive performance against the opening batsmen. Early breakthrough's stunted Brasted's innings who never really looked as though they were going to threaten the target that had been set before them.

The hosts remained incredibly freindly and jovial despite Chand being his ususal self. This apparent "niceness" is probably what contributed to their downfall as it was clear that some aggression or assertiveness was needed to dig themselves out of the hole they were in.

Unfortunately for Brasted, Manjit aswered the call of his Skipper and produced a match winning spell, removing 5 of their batsmen while doing his best impression of Shoiab Akhtar. As each wicket fell his run-up would get longer and the slip cordon would grow exponentially, until eventually he was bowling to a 7-1 field (keeping in mind we only had 10
men)....Manjit's fitness and commitment was un-questionable as he was more than happy to run after the ball through mid-on in between deliveries.

Brasted fell well short of the target as they struggled to make an impression with the bat. Manjit was declared "Man of the Match" for his superb performance with both bat and ball.

All in all a solid team performance, and a deserved victory for the new skipper.

 

Old Rutlishians –v- Crusaders at Merton Park 23/04/06

 

Crusaders fell just short of victory at Old Ruts in a rain-affected season opener in South-west London. With consistent drizzle threatening any play at all and certainly casting doubts of a complete game, credit must go to our hosts who set a challenging but fair declaration and then endured the worst of the weather, as we came within five runs of chasing down the victory target of 176 in 33 overs.

 

Grant (new skipper) and Mike were both ‘blowing bubbles’, Sumo was deep-sea diving, Glen Timms was trawling Sainsburys looking lost and ‘The Claw’ was making sure he connected with more shots than usual by playing golf. This necessitated debuts for Pommy Singh and Mike Randall, both too closely associated to Chand for anyone’s likes.

 

Spud duly lost the toss and Ruts not surprisingly given conditions elected to bat. Ruts lent us a couple of fielders, while we awaited the arrival of Gordon and the Plumstead contingent, doubtless enjoying a leisurely drive and relaxing to some cool jazz sounds.

 

Pommy took the new ball, extracting fair bounce and at times making both batsmen look uncomfortable, but too often, he was wayward outside off stump. Dangles was more consistent and made the initial breakthrough, Pryce feathering a routine catch to Wajih. Spud replaced Pom at the pavilion end and stemmed the flow of runs, picking up three wickets in the process. Gordon followed a typically comic fielding slip with a majestic catch at long on to dismiss the opener for 49, whilst Hughes perished, dancing down the track to york himself. Neeta replaced Moysey and in the absence of Mike, felt the need to bowl a succession of ridiculous slower balls. These the batsmen dispatched with much glee. Why it doesn’t happen to Mike I don’t know?.

 

With a declaration in mind, Ruts played aggressively in the final few overs, Spud timing his withdrawal from the firing line perfectly, leaving Manjit to take a mauling. Ruts called time on 175-5 from 35 overs, leaving us 45 minutes plus 20 overs to make the runs. (Which equated to 33 overs).

 

Tea was served by two young ladies in Darren’s current age range and included a particularly sumptuous Lemon drizzle sponge.

Richard and Wajih got us off to a decent start, scoring well off the quicker bowling. The rain started to get heavier and Ruts turned to the slower bowlers. This tactic worked, with neither batsman looking as comfortable once the pace was taken off the ball. Wajih was taken at slip for eight, bringing Chand to the middle. Channy wasted no time getting under the oppositions skin, swotting a six into the car park and then commending the same bowler for a good ball later in the over. Rich and Chand made efficient progress and Ruts fitted a commendable thirteen overs into the first 45 minutes. Chand ‘survived’ a couple of lbw shouts and further endeared himself to our hosts by showing them why it was not out.

 

At twenty overs we required 124 with nine wickets in hand. The required rate was maintained, despite The Oz choking on 42 and Gord falling to a good overhead catch for five. Mike Randall steadied the ship, keeping Chand on strike effectively, amid rumours that these two had once put on a record 200+ stand for Ilford Catholic. A more modest tally was needed today, but alas, impetuosity got the better of both batsmen as they fell within a run of each other. Our chase fell away, leaving just enough time for Pommy to underline his arrival with a six over the score hut.

 

From the position we got ourselves into we should have won the game, but a draw was perhaps the right result. With many opposition clubs preferring to ensure they could not lose, it was refreshing that Old Ruts were keen to dangle a carrot and did not fear defeat, if it made for a better game.