2003 SEASON

 Darren Moyse is a f******mentalist - April 27 Crusaders 173-5 beat Brasted Invicta 152-10 by 21 runs.

Danglers began his tenure at the helm of the Crusaders, with a less than convincing victory, against the whipping boys of our fixture list. On winning the toss, he chose to marshal his troops from the cosy confines of The Bull Inn, accompanied by a hand-picked Council of War. The troops struggled in the absence of their leader and only a typically bullish 77 from ‘Chokey’ and a fine supporting 40 from Mike Taylor, on debut, papered over the dismal efforts of the top order; their stand of 114 for the sixth wicket setting a new club record in the process.

Brasted responded positively, taking advantage of the canon fodder being served up by Chuckles and Schultz to race to 40 from the first 4 overs. Chuckles, quite obviously operating from the wrong end, would have benefited from a comforting arm around the shoulder. Instead, having allowed the Brasted opener several opportunities to practice his approach shot to the final green at neighbouring Westerham Golf Club, he was brutally banished from the attack. Mike completed a fine debut, dismissing the first three batsmen for only nine runs in a destructive six over spell and Spud bowled unchanged for fifteen overs to claw back Brasted’s flying start.

A game that was generally played in the right spirit, was then tarnished by Captain Moyse, whose bloodthirsty quest for victory appeared to stop at nothing. Quite obviously under the influence of his mentor - Field-Marshall Von Wilsdon - he unleashed a savage barrage of Helmet-twanging deliveries, in an effort to bully Brasted into submission. On rapping one very junior member on the arm, a concerned Moyse suggested ‘he may be safer in the pavilion’. When the poor unfortunate wretch bravely decided to continue, our deranged skipper promptly stuck one into the grill of his helmet for good measure. Not surprisingly their resolve crumbled.

The final wicket fell, with Brasted still 21 runs short of the target, but seemingly pleased that they had avoided any fatalities or maiming. ‘I’ve never been one for social comment, but is this what the game is coming to.’ Said one village local, who wished to remain anonymous.

 Downe hang on for draw - May 04 Crusaders 143-7 drew with Downe 129-9.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Club’s first visit to the picturesque village ground at Downe, ended in a draw, as their last pair survived the final two overs. On a slow pitch, we struggled to get the ball away, with only a typically belligerent 49 from Simply and a stylish 38 from Timmo, enabling us to set a defendable target.

Downe found the small boundaries equally difficult to breach, with Danglers and Mike getting movement and indifferent bounce from a very green strip, to make run scoring difficult. Spud took wickets at regular intervals, but also saw several deliveries despatched into neighbouring fields, such was the nature of the game. The skip finally came back to remove Downe’s only likely match winner for a fine 58, but despite the close attention of an attacking field, we were unable to force victory.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crusaders stunned by Chuckles retirement - May 07 Centymca 176-8 drew with Crusaders 133-8.

The disappointing nature of the Club’s draw with ‘The Y’, paled into insignificance, when John Braithwaite stunned the Cricketing World by announcing a premature end to his career. His Club career began with a debut duck (as so many have) against Brasted in 1991. The high point ironically, was at the same venue, when he carried his bat for a majestic 62 at the beginning of the 1999 Season. He is the latest of only 12 players to pass 1000 runs for the club and his gentle medium-pace swingers have earned him 48 wickets. Another enduring memory was a fantastic back-peddling catch off the last ball of the match, that won us a game at Swanscombe. His ‘chuckle’ has become something of a wheezy titter since he was diagnosed as an old asthmatic bald git by his doctor.

On the lower square at the YMCA a target of 176 was always going to be a tall order and so it proved. The ‘Y’ performed well with the bat, while our bowlers suffering some shell-shock, from the mid-over ranting expletives, that signalled Chuckles Waterloo. Stewart Thomas was the pick of the bowlers, sending down eight overs for only eighteen runs and being a little unfortunate not to take a wicket, whilst the skip Blind Pugh, led by example returning 3-34.

Our response depended largely on whether the Bully Boy Oz was on form, but his innings was ended by Mr Kavanagh’s single finger response to an lbw appeal and after that wickets fell all too regularly. Bill and Stewart restored some semblance of order to middle of the innings, but we were always dropping behind the asking rate. It was left to Spud and The Crab to ensure that our pride stayed intact, batting out the final eight overs for a losing draw.

As for Chuckles, he has pledged to go on tour in July before finally calling it a day. His good nature and patience with young children will be particularly missed, as the Club seeks to bring in fresh talent.

Oz says ‘I’m no choker’- May 11 Granby 175-7 lost to Crusaders 180-3 by 7 wickets.

Granby’s total of 175 proved wholly inadequate, once The Bully got into his stride. His unbeaten 133 was a savage assault, on a bowling attack which was no worse than average.

On a damp pitch, Granby got off to a fluent start, aided by some wayward bowling from Timms and Moyse. Timmo eventually stopped bowling wides and picked up two wickets, but the extras count continued to spiral, with some over zealous umpiring contributing 47 to the final score. ND and Goulash picked up two wickets a piece and with an eye on the weather Granby declared at 175-7.

 After a cautious opening 8 overs, The Oz launched a brutal barrage of shots all round the ground, to which Granby had no answer. Despite a defensive field and several bowling changes, Richard continued to find the fence with regularity, striking 23 fours and 2 sixes. He shared in stand of 92 with TC that occupied just 12 overs and the whole affair was wrapped up in just under 29 overs, with the final ball smashed for six into the tennis courts.

Bexleyheath captain fails ‘Daz doorstep challenge’- May 18 Crusaders 200-8 beat Bexleyheath 153-8 by 47 runs.

Ten man Crusaders extended their unbeaten start to the season, with a comprehensive victory at Bexleyheath. Grant and Gordon laid a solid foundation, with an opening partnership worth 66, which was well supported throughout the innings, particularly by Spud, whose elegant 44 must have been a joy for all to behold. At 40 overs we had cruised to 200 for 8 setting our hosts five an over to overhaul the target.

 With any number of quality bowlers at his disposal, it was somewhat alarming that Danglers turned to Goulash to partner him in the opening attack. Once again Simon fell foul of the no-ball law (another Umpire picking on him - undoubtedly) and gifted some runs to the opposition, however the game was as good as won inside twenty overs, principally through the efforts of The Name-Dropper. In a virtually unplayable spell, he returned 2-12 from his full quota of eight overs and still found time to mention his associations with some of the biggest names in Cricket.

The game meandered to a conclusion, with Heath content to take some net-practice, rather than have a slog in an attempt to win the game (or at least stopping it dragging on). At the conclusion of the match, it became apparent that not only were Bexleyheath some way behind on the field of play, they were also lacking in the domestics of the game. A surprise dressing room visit from Shane Ritchie, conducting his famous doorstep challenge, revealed that the Heath Skipper’s washing powder was completely inadequate for dealing with the rigors of his over-active back passage.

Old Boys despatched by rampant Crusaders - June 01 Crusaders 174-8 beat Old Wilsonians 128 all out by 46 runs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crusaders recorded a comprehensive victory at Hayes Hill, bowling the hosts out for just 128, having earlier posted 174 from their 40 overs. Whilst there were no outstanding individual performances, contributions were made right down the card, with five players registering more than twenty.

 Wilsonians found run scoring difficult, with Danglers and Weepy keeping a tight rein during their opening spells. O.W’s never got their innings back on track, despite a jammy 42 from their skipper, who survived countless chances along the way. Timmo extinguished any lingering hopes that Wilsonians may have harboured, by clean bowling their Overseas Star, just when he was threatening some quick runs. Spud’s athletic run out of their skipper at the non-striker’s end, put the final nail in the coffin. Using his considerable football skills, he majestically diverted the ball onto the stumps with his shin. This will undoubtedly fuel Gordon’s argument against backing up at the non-striker’s end. Expect an ECB directive, that encourages people to lean on their bats and chat to the Umpire.

At this point the light drizzle, which had been with us most of the afternoon, suddenly became an issue, with Wilsonians having the stench of defeat deep in their nostrils, attempting to call a halt to proceedings. We managed to hustle out the tail, before their bleating could take effect.

Reynolds unveils miracle cure for insomniacs - May 25 Crusaders 196-6 beat Chiselhurst & West Kent II 55-9 a.o. by 141 runs.

Crusaders had to rely on the Fixture Bureau to provide Chiselhurst as our opponents, after Bletchingley cried off early in the week. The game itself was a routine victory, over young, inexperienced opposition, who were some way beneath the level required to test us. The match will be better remembered for it’s impact on Medical Science, initiating a significant breakthrough in the treatment of Sleeping Disorders. A video of Grant, occupying the crease for the duration of our innings, has been successfully used to encourage patients to sleep. A spokesman said ‘ It’s fantastic. At first our patients were curious and watched for some time before nodding off, but now we only have to put the tape in the machine and they are sleeping like babies’.

Enthusiastic fielding kept our score below 200, when somebody finally managed to stir Danglers from his trance like state to deliver the declaration. Breezy knocks from Simply (28) and Choker (30) were the main compliments to Grant’s maiden fifty for the club.

Chiselhurst proved no match for Simon and Moysey (both of whom seem to enjoy bowling at young children) and were dismissed for just 55. With only one of their side legally allowed to partake of alcohol, Danglers invited our oppo for a Shake at McDonalds. They cautiously declined.