14th September -v- Minster-on-Sea at Minster

Report from Wajih coming soon

10th September -v- Old Victorians at High Beach

After a lay-off of just over three weeks, Crusaders returned to action with a midweek visit to Old Victorians. The very Old Victorians won the toss and had no hesitation in opting to bat. With several Crusaders still en-route we were kindly lent a couple of octogenerians to assist in the field.

Lacking heavily in the bowling department, Wajih turned to Spud to share the new ball with Danglers, but neither produced decent spells, as Old Vics got off to a positive start. Spud eventually broke the partnership, with the score on 56, with Anderson caught at fine leg from a mis-timed sweep.

Far from slowing the opposition scoring down, this initiated the arrival of Jamil;a fluid, hard-hitting bat, who with the surviving opener Krunic, put the Crusaders attack to the sword. Wajih replaced Darren and found his occasional spin was much to Jamil's liking. Several sixes and replaced balls later, The Skip retreated to lick his wounds with figures of 6-0-59-0. In desperation Wajih turned to Chucker Chand (do we really have to resort to cheating) and he removed the dangerous Jamil trapped lbw by an in-turning throw for a fine 86.

Despite being well placed at 191-2 with time left, Old Vics struggled to press home the advantage. Timmo reproduced his recent form at Elthamians, inducing Krunic (63) into a mistimed drive that was well caught by Wajih and then repeating the dose to remove Patel. The only disappointment during Mr Softy's spell was that he felt the need to 'bounce' an 84 year old batsman, showing that he still possesses an un-necessarily nasty streak to his game. Un-moved Bignell continued to play with consumate ease, caressing the returning Moyse to third man, whilst supressing a yawn. Instantly riled, Moyse reverted to the bully boy tactics of Timms, bowling another short-pitched delivery that clattered into the frail, gnarled fingers of the elderly batsman - shameful.

Spud swept through the tail to finish with 5-67 and Old Vics declared at nine down for 225.

After Jagdesh had dispatched the first two deliveries for 6 and 4 the target was made to look inadequate, as all Crusaders top order found runs readily available. Slap and Damon took only 8 overs to put 59 on the board, before Jagdesh departed for 35, with Dave going soon after for the same score (a club best) - perhaps if he has all his toes amputated and stuck on his hands he will become a decent bat.

Chand and Ralph continued to pour misery on Old Vics beleaguered bowlers, carrying the score from 100 to the victory target, with only 6 of the final twenty overs used. Ralph was happy to play second fiddle to Chand, who passed three figures for the first time. His innings contained 12 fours and 3 sixes and for the first time there was almost signs of intelligent life.

17th August -v- Old Wilsonians at Hayes Hill

Crusaders were comprehensively beaten by a strong Old Boys side, predominantly under-pinned by youth. In the absence of Wajih, Mike called correctly and opted to bat.

As in previous weeks we struggled early on to get the board ticking and it wasn't until Skip and Vice put on a fruitful 90 that our total showed an air of respectability. Wajih hacked his way to another fifty, breaking his beloved Ishan bat in the process, smiting 4 sixes, before one dance too many ended with a stumping. For a short while Wajih managed to silence some un-necessary sledging, that had clearly had the desired affect on our elite batsmen. Pommie was particularly upset at suggestions that he could'nt get the ball off the square. He did'nt need to be told, it was plain for all to see.

Once again a wagging tail had rescued our batting, enabling a total of 168 to be set. Old Wilsonians soon made their intentions clear, with both openers sound in technique and prepared to run quick singles. Danglers had a spell to forget, erring in length too often, with the ball disappearing over and then on to the pavilion roof from consecutive deliveries. Despite a good spell from Skinny, we never really threatened to restrict the run-scoring enough to provoke rash shots and Wilsonians cantered to the target with an over to spare, taking only 32 overs to register victory.

10th August -v- Lenham at Ham Lane

A scintillating partnership of 107 between Wajih and The ILM rescued Crusaders from the precarious position of 72-5 and enabled a respectable target of 234 to be posted. Such a score appeared unlikely, as the Crusaders top-order struggled on a damp pitch early on. Danglers in particular was having problems with his timing, despite the awesome new bat, with the oppo choosing not to pander to his leg glance to allow him to get off the mark.

When the chaff had been removed, The Skip joined Chand and together they embarked on a nine over onslaught that yielded 107 runs. Chand eventually fell for 99 (Johnny G was not present), hitting a club record 10 sixes. Wajih continued the onslaught, as we took another 55 from the final 21 balls, aided by the fleet footed Spud, who leant on his bat and observed.

Lenham provided a cracking tea and then experienced the same problems as our openers had earlier in the afternoon. Mr Taylor and Danglers each bowled a frugal spell, reducing the oppo to 23-4. Lenham found no respite, with the change bowlers continuing to dominate and the fielders for once pouching their catches. Only Nurden (49*) provided any stern resistance. The return of Danglers finally ended proceedings, as he took his fourth wicket of the day to split the final pair, with Lenham closing on 128 all out.

03rd August -v- Catford Wanderers at Catford

The games against Dunmow, Blue Bell Hill and Elthamians left several questions unanswered, as well as the likelihood of ECB intervention.

First at an internal club investigation Johnny 'TC' Grrrregains must satisfy the club that his gross selfishness in denying Manjit a maiden century was innocent endeavour rather than malicious intent.

Secondly Wajih must answer allegations of racist favouring for his batting selection in the game at Blue Bell Hill.

Thirdly Chand must appear before ECB assessors before he is allowed to bowl/throw again, after being called by the match commentator for excessive straightening in the recent 20/20 match at Elthamians.

I was contacted by the great Bishan Bedi, second greatest leg spin bowler the world has seen, who referred to Chand in terms of his bowling, as a "monkey who is destroying the game". Obviously Bishan is entitled to his opinion while we await the ECB's decision.

Fourthly is Bill 'the lip' Webb really So Vain.

Mike decided an intensive series of sessions at the tanning salon was preferable than a batting slot at number 8 and decided to miss the fixture at Catford, while Danglers, Spud and Alex settled for putting their arms out the window whilst driving, in a bid to influence the skip in his choice of batting line up.

Leaden skies greeted our arrival at the Homebase Arena and the prospects for a complete game appeared bleak. After discussion and some debate we settled on a 35 over game with Wajih inviting Catford to bat.

Danglers and Aftab took the new ball, with each bowling well with out reward, suffering as the fast outfield carried the edges they found to the boundary. After ten overs Catford had created a solid base at 35-0.

Nena 'Red Balloons' Singh finally got the breakthrough, as Diego went across his stumps and was trapped in front. Spud then got a ball to turn sharply and beat the outside edge, giving Pommie a first stumping for the club. Paramveer then dropped a straightforward chance to dismiss their best bat - Manjit the unlucky bowler.

As ever Catford played aggressively, but presented inevitable chances, which true to form we failed to grasp. A useful partnership between Browne and Hall pushed up the Catford run-rate to ensure we had a meaningful total to chase.

Teflon struggled to maintain a good line, though he did take two wickets and Uncle Abdul should leave the bowling to Cousin Aftab, while he concentrates on batting.

Chand (allowed to bowl before action is inspected) threw well and Aftab finished with two fine overs, returning 1-24 from his seven over spell. Darren's figures were spoilt by a couple of big sixes, but he got the last laugh removing Browne for an explosive 77 and Catford's innings closed at 197-7.

Wajih and Jagdesh survived some short-pitched bowling and gradually started to assert themselves, but ultimately the weather was the deciding factor as a spell of continuous drizzle brought a halt to proceedings, with Crusaders 33 without loss from 8 overs.

28th July -v- Old Elthamians 20/20 at Foxbury

Spud selected a team made up largely of locally based players, including a fair few that had neither lifted a bat nor bowled a ball in anger for some time. The match was the opening fixture in Elthamians Cricket Week and included excellent running commentary from Old E's South African overseas player as well as musical snippets to accompany batsmen arriving, departing and finding the boundary. We also had first use of the new orange ball and branded 20/20 stumps.

Elthamians won the toss and elected to bat and on a good looking wicket with fast a outfield, there was some concern that an aging Crusaders could be chasing leather. Spud, however was confident that the side he had selected had enough wile and guile to make up for any physical shortcomings.

Roared on by WAGS and Ankle-biters, 'Slightly' gave us the perfect start with a wicket in the first over, bowling allegedly one of their best bats, as Elthamians attempted big shots regardless of the delivery. Mr Taylor acted as the perfect foil to Moysey by gently releasing any pressure Darren managed to build up. In between being smacked here, there and everywhere Mike did pick up two wickets, the first a fine catch from Timmo scampering in the deep and this set the tone for the entire Elthamians innings. Each batsman, with the exception of Nash  seemed hell-bent on hearing 'Chelsea Dagger' for finding the boundary, only to bring about their own downfall with rash shots and a regular play of 'Another one bites the Dust' or Sherbet's 'Howzat' generally followed.

Spud and Chand, whose bowling action came under close scrutiny maintained the impetus as Elthamians desperation to score quick runs continued. Crusaders were put under very little pressure in the field, perhaps aided by two sharp run outs, one from Darkie Paine and one from Chand. Chand completed his series of throwdowns and was replaced by Mr Softy. Probably the most talented (and under-achieving - except Pommie), Timmo produced an exquisite spell of military medium dobbers to wrap up the innings, firstly removing Nash for a well crafted 53 and then cleaning up the last man with an inswinging yorker, which dismissed Elthamians for 115 with a little over two overs of their allocation un-used.

It was vital that we made a sound start, with Elthamians realising that they would need to bowl us out to have any chance of victory. Vodaphone, seemingly inspired - if a little bemused - by his entry music (Ace of Spades - Motorhead) took the openers to task. Aided by Darkie Paine he gave a swashbuckling display which soon had the field spread far and wide. It did'nt seem to matter what was bowled, as our man from the temple had a shot for all events; the pick of the bunch a massive six over extra-cover. 75 runs were taken from the first 9 overs, before Jagdesh fell for an entertaining 45. This induced a mini-collapse, with Mark falling soon after and barely had the strains of 'Your so Vain' faded, when Billy 'the lip' Webb was asked to look on the bright side of life.

Chand brought matters to a close with a straight six, with nearly 4 of our allotted overs in hand as we finished comfortable winners by 6 wickets.

Crusaders had not finished their domination of the evening's events, as a 'well balanced' Quiz team - it had two women, one Welsh and one Polish - helped themselves to first place and a bottle of Port. I am sure Dominique (excuse spelling) and Kay would have made a valuable contribution if the quiz had been about cooking or needlecraft.

Danglers (not wishing to miss anything) and Spud stayed until the early hours in a vain attempt to finish the excellent barrel of Shepherd Neame 'Oyster', before we were politely asked to leave.

Particular thanks to Paul Cook from the Old Elthamians, who did most of the organising and very kindly got me and Moysey home through a raging tempest. We have hopefully earned an invite back to next year's events.

27th July -v- Blue Bell Hill at Common Road

Crusaders produced a fine batting display at Blue Bell Hill to set our hosts a formidable 251 run-chase. Blue Bell Hill made a valiant attempt, finishing 39 runs short.

Wajih was able to select a strong eleven and had no hesitation in electing to bat after he surprisingly won the toss. In sticky, humid conditions, Nita and Jagdesh got the innings off to a flyer and 36 runs were plundered from the first 5 overs. Jagdesh, having played around the first delivery he faced, picked up the next - a low full-toss - and deposited it in the adjoining gardens to set an attacking trend.

Nita (14) was out to a smart catch at slip, from a delivery that lifted sharply and Pommie was found wanting by a full, straight delivery, failing to trouble the scorers - again. The usual bright and breezy knock from Jagdesh ended in the 10th over with the score on 55. His innings of 40 contained two sixes and five fours and briefly entertained Kay and the picnickers at the bottom of the field.

Jabs joined the skip and the pair embarked on a fine partnership of 148 for the fourth wicket. Contrasting in style, Jabs was by far the more fluent, but offered chances (several dropped), while Delboy looked strangely out of sorts and had to graft his way to a chanceless fifty.

Blue Bell Hill started to look a little ragged, but eventually got the breakthrough when the impressive Hayward Jnr returned to complete his spell. Uncle Abdul's fine innings of 72 came to an eventual end, with Wajih (63) following shortly after, allowing Chand, Manjit and Alex to each have brief cameo knocks, to ensure the score ticked along to the end of 40 overs.

Closer scrutiny of the Scorecard reveals Asians batting from 1-7 with the 4 Pale Faces occupying the 'cheap seats'. Not only has Wajih managed segregation in the field, he has now divided our batting line-up - A full enquiry is expected.

Crusaders opened up with a pair of white 'water carriers' in the guise of Danglers and Mr Taylor and was immediately rewarded when the opener punched a low full-toss straight to skip at mid-off.

Blue Bell Hill recovered from the early set-back, with Roy Sams looking in good touch and the number 3 looking durable.

Kay seemed particularly impressed with Mike's efforts with the ball, occasionally looking up to see which bushes we were trying to retrieve his latest delivery from and BBH gradually started to increase the scoring rate. 

A rather lack-lustre Spud, having missed a stumping and dropped an inside edge chance  was relieved of the wicket-keeping gloves, but regained his composure to break the partnership, with Manjit catching a mis-timed sweep. Sams continued to carry the fight and all the while he was at the crease BBH harboured a reasonable chance of reaching their target.

Pommie ensured that his position as 9th string spinner was secure by serving up an over of self-serve treats that had even Mike wincing. He then decided to bowl properly and produced three consecutive 'peaches' that culminated in an inswinging yorker ending Sam's stay.

Somewhat prematurely Crusaders allowed themselves to relax, continuing to be sloppy in the field, with catches dropped and an abundance of mis-fields. Despite the loss of the mainstay to their innings, BBH continued to press, until Alex finally got some reward for a good spell, with Abdul pouching the match-winning catch.

20th July -v- Dunmow at Great Dunmow

Report from Wajih coming soon

13th July -v- Rainham at Rainham

Report from Wajih coming soon

06th July -v- Sutton III at Holmwood Close, Cheam

Despite inclement weather throughout the week and heavy downpours overnight and on Sunday morning, the facilities at Holmwood Close were in fine fettle and Crusaders enjoyed their first visit to Sutton. More surprising than the game being on, was that we had a fully assembled eleven in time for the 1.30 start.

Wajih won the toss and elected to bat. Sutton fielded a predominantly youthful side, supplemented by a couple of experienced elder statesmen, while Crusaders relied solely on 'experience'.

Nita and Johnny Walker started off at a cracking pace, with JW taking ten off the first over, but his innings was brief and ended with a sharp stumping. Wajih looked a little out of sorts with the bat and perished when he top-edged back to the bowler, but this brought The Claw to the wicket.

It has been a while since we have seen Johnny Grrr at his best, but today he produced a vintage display. Mixing exquisite shots through the off-side with deft nudges off his legs, he was a joy to behold. Nita played the aggressive role, with some savage hitting and together they added 89. The partnership was broken, when Nita was caught on the long-on boundary for an excellent 61.

Chand and John continued the momentum, before John played lazily over a delivery, falling for 35. Chand's entertaining knock came to an on 44, bowled by the returning opener.

Runs had come at a fearsome pace, but Sutton never allowed their heads to drop and with new batsmen in, gradually hauled back the rate. Pommie failed to trouble the scorer's pencil playing  woefully  to square leg. Alex, with a batting style all of his own swished manfully and Spud looked all at sea.

Barnard was the pick of Sutton's bowlers taking 5 wickets, including Mr Taylor in his ninth over -  nobody begrudged him having one over more than his allocation.  Young Patel bowled a mature spell of spin, making good use of flight. He was also able to benefit from some worldly advice from Umpire Danglers. Let's hope he didn't listen too closely. 

Our innings closed at 215-8 from 40 overs and we enjoyed another fine tea. Particularly good was the Garlic Bruscetta topped with Tomato.

It was soon apparent that Sutton's youngsters were sound in technique, playing with a straight bat. They lacked a little in beef, however with a lot of fine strokes not having the power to penetrate the infield. 

Sleepy Rehman could manage only one over before dropping off on the veranda and it was left to Mike to partner Darren in our opening attack. Danglers was finding the left/right combination difficult and his normal accuracy was lacking, but he did make the initial breakthrough with a fine in-swinging yorker. Wickets tumbled, with Mike and Spud 'joining the party' and all of a sudden Sutton were in danger of collapse. The skipper came to the rescue, patiently rebuilding the innings before cutting loose against our 7th string spinner.

Pommie (briefly 6th best spinner) bowled with  flight and technique that reminded me of the great Glen Timms. His first ball turned sharply, taking the outside edge and was caught low down by Spud for his 200th catch. From then on it was vintage Timms, with the ball leaving the arena on several occasions. Needing an improbable nine an over, the Sutton skipper started to put pressure on the aging Crusaders fielders and in doing so induced mistakes.

 In desperation Skip turned to the ILM. Chand managed to quieten things down and with Mr Taylor varying his pace, the required rate started to escalate. Nita dropped another catch - that long break from the game hasn't helped his fielding, but it did not prove too costly, with Chand removing the dangerous Bliss (67) with a rank long hop that hit the base of middle stump on it's second bounce. Spud took the final wicket by virtue of a good catch from Englishman and finished with figures of 3-5.

Refreshments were taken back at the main ground, where Guiness was supplemented by brownies and yoghurt squares- a fine combination judging by how quickly a plateful disappeared.

29th June -v- Carshalton Athletic at Wallington Sports

Our first visit to Carshalton and probably our last, ended in a disappointing encounter that was won comfortably by 121 runs.

The Crusaders Travelling Circus was in full swing, with two cars roaming aimlessly around the SM Postcodes when they should have been at the ground ready to play. Even more worrying was that Chand was map-reading in one. Our hosts seemed fairly chilled about the start time as they were still awaiting the arrival of stumps and bails.

Carshalton won the toss and elected to field, with Wajih and Danglers getting our innings underway. Carshalton's openers were like 'Chalk and Cheese', with one causing both batsmen problems with swing and seam movement, while the other served up an array of Full-tosses and Longhops. Wajih made the most of what was on offer, while Moysey remained circumspect.

The score quickly reached 70, before an overly relaxed Skip pushed one straight back to the bowler. Mumblings of discontent amongst the Carshalton fielders grew audibly after Chand announced his arrival with a few airy drives and the occasional shot behind his back. Darren finally found the middle of his bat, lofting one improbably for a straight six and the scoring rate continued to increase. Chand's demise produced  less than complimentary comparisons to the female genitalia and for the remainder of the innings Carshalton resorted to fairly unpleasant barracking for anyone who could vaguely hold a bat.

Our innings closed on 261-5, with Jabs and Pommie playing out the final two overs for no addition to the score. This total included 30 wides and 19 byes and countless boundaries that could have been prevented by a reasonably well set field. Instead of concentrating on making improvements to their game Carshalton decided it was easier to blame us for being too strong.

Tea was a fairly subdued affair, with several Crusaders remaining outside. They missed out on a fine selection of cakes.

We have been involved in a few games where we have been stronger than our opposition and vice versa, particularly when you meet for the first time and have no comparisons with other sides that you have mutually played. As the stronger side we will always endeavour to allow our opposition a decent game and as the weaker we will always try and make as much of a game of it as we can. Whining and moaning and bad-mouthing are a pointless exercise. That's got that off my chest!!

Wajih opened with Spud and Alex and set an attackive field throughout. We did however protect the area behind the keeper and have someone patrolling the short side boundary. Alex bowled well once he had found his line and was unlucky to finish without a wicket.

Danglers and Pommie gave a quick demonstration of our firepower, but generally Wajih turned to the slow bowlers, with all bar Chand getting at least an over. Carshalton's skipper batted sensibly for a well made 60 and some resolute batting from the middle order ensured they lasted the full 40 overs, which was presumably their target. Danglers continued his fine form with the ball, taking another two wickets, while Pommie proved he is a much better spin bowler.

We stayed for a quick drink after and with no mention of a 'see you next year' it would appear this will be a one and only meeting. A fair assembly headed for The Cricketers at Addiscombe to see Spain beat Germany in the Euro Final and more importantly quaff some fine Harveys

08th June -v- Cudham Wyse at Cudham Rec

On a day when Summer finally arrived Crusaders had to content themselves with the better end of a draw in their timed game with Cudham Wyse. Darren and Spud skirted the crowds flocking to Biggin Hill for the Air show, in time for a couple of exquisite pints of Harvey's in the Blacksmiths Arms and awaited the arrival of the rest of the team. Fortunately Cudham had planned for a 2.30 start which meant the late arriving Crusaders were inadvertently on time.

Wajih lost the toss and we found ourselves inserted, on a pitch that was dry and grassy on top but soft under the surface. Fears that it would be a difficult pitch to bat on were soon justified, as Cudham's openers exerted immediate pressure. Don was bowled, Danglers presented a return catch and Chand slashed to slip to leave us reeling at 11-3. The Rock joined Wajih and together they compiled the first meaningful partnership of the day. It was however slow progress, with the 30 added taking another 13 overs. Fortunately whilst the cricket was not vaguely interesting, those spectating were treated to an array of aircraft overhead. Another flurry of wickets saw the demise of Johnny Ggg (14), Waj (16) and Damon and all of a sudden we were teetering on the brink at 45-6.

Spud joined Jabs and the pair added an unbroken partnership of 94 for the 7th wicket, with a combination of caution, good running between the wickets and the occasional big shot. Jabs continued his fine form with the bat, surviving a chance on 49 to register his second fifty of the season, with Spud remaining 31 not out at the close of innings. Disappointingly Cudham had managed to bowl only 38 overs in that time, which in Test Match cricket would surely have earned them a poor over rate fine from the Test Board.

Teas seem to be getting better week by week, with a fantastic arrangement topped by Scones and Cream. A team photo minus sulking Chand was taken and then we set about the task of containing runs and taking wickets.

It was soon apparent that Cudham would have equal difficulty accumulating runs. Despite the slow pitch Danglers had enough in the tank to unsettle batsmen and he settled into a fine spell of hostile bowling. Spud had a brief spell from the other end, before Alex replaced him and was unfortunate not to get a wicket, with Don chesting a sharp chance from their best bat. The damage was being done at the other end, with Darren looking very James Anderson like at one stage, with all the opening 5 wickets. Alex took a fine catch at second slip to start the ball rolling and two good catches from Damon continued to put the pressure on. Aftab replaced Alex and got the important wicket of Barnes, who repeated his earlier shot, but this time Don was equal to it. A few lusty blows and Cudham gave themselves a glimmer of victory. Needing about seven per over for the last 12 overs, they edged closer with a mixture of quick singles and the odd hoist over the in-field.

Spud returned at the opposite end, removing the final decent bat that Cudham had. Attempting a quick single, Aftab swooped at cover and threw to the bowlers end. Despite the throw not being very good Spud showed remarkable agility, dexterity and spatial awareness, weighing up the possibilities in a split second, before miraculously diverting the ball on to the stumps for a superb run out. It was fielding of the highest order.

Cudham survived a couple more scares, with Damon spoiling an otherwise good day with the gloves with desperately poor drop. Matti reduced our hosts to eight wickets down, but Cudham fought well to secure the draw at 113-8.

More beer was quaffed in the Blacksmith's , with jugs exchanged and the promise of a repeat fixture next year. Discussion turned to next week's Lincolnshire tour and concerns that Aftab is going to hustle us out of our hard-earned cash. Shame these students can't find an honest way to make a living.

01st June -v- Herongate at Brentwood Road

Crusaders recorded a reasonably comfortable win from their first visit to Herongate. The ground situated on the busy A128 is a slightly mis-shaped oval, with both boundaries straight down the ground rather short. Rain had made the outfield lush, but the pitch was well prepared and offered even bounce throughout.

 Mike deputised at the toss, with Herongate winning and electing to bat. Wajih arrived shortly before play was due to commence, but we were still short of the Don East Party, who were traversing  Whipps Cross and the North Circular. Don's book 'Interesting Journeys to Cricket with Chand' will be released shortly.

Herongate soon showed their attacking intent, with both openers prepared to throw willow at leather. On such a small ground there is obvious value for shots, but Danglers and Aftab allowed little width and beat the bat regularly. Moysey who has bowled beautifully of late, without taking the number of wickets he deserves, again had the measure of the openers. A slower ball got him his only wicket, but his eight overs went for a miserly eleven runs. Aftab picked up two quick wickets with similar deliveries, nipping off the seam to hit leg stump. Herongate were in disarray and only the introduction of Skinny brought any relief. Suddenly the number three bat had a new lease of life, feasting heavily from the light snacks that were tossed his way, seemingly able to hit Mike to wherever he wanted. The skip recognised that we were haemorraging runs and was forced to bring Simply on to shore up an end - his five overs of very casual spin going for just 20 runs.

An entertaining knock from Luthera, briefly revived Herongate's chance of posting a decent total. He took a particular liking to Channy's brand of spin (is this the new Simon Burr) sending him back over his head for two maximums. Chand then had a deep and meaningful conversation with the skip, explaining that he wasn't happy with the fielding positions. My grasp of Urdu is not great but I believe Wajih pointed out that 'having a couple of fielders in front bedrooms of the nearby houses would not stem the flow of runs'. Hissy-fit finally over and Wajih produced some real bowlers to finish the job.

In fact he re-opened the buffet, but this time the Cocktail Sausages and Vol-au-vents were smashed into waiting fielders hands. The dangerous Luthera found a dozing Danglers at wide mid-off and the number 3 who had somehow avoided dismissal to make 46 skied to Wajih at cover.

Crusaders have always welcomed players of all ability, race and religion, but during today's match I was very disturbed at Wajih's flagrant segregation of Whitey's and Darkies. I thought the days of apartheid were behind us and was astonished to see the whole of the leg-side patrolled by the Darks and the off-side exclusively covered by the Pale-faces. I hope this was an unfortunate error of judgement. I can understand putting that irritating little man all on his own, but I quite like the rest of you.

Token 'Englishman' Paramveer showed his true colours shying away from a dolly of a chance. I think it will be some time before he is allowed a British Passport.

Herongate failed to utilise their full quota of overs and mustered a below par 130. Remarkably (to anyone that saw it) Skinny returned 4-29.

Tea was splendid. Sausages with onions, more Indian snacks and Egg Mayo sarnies - what more could you want.

Confident of success Spud and Darren made the short trip to the Green Man for some sampling. Though the beer was fairly standard, the Essex Girl barmaids more than made up for it's shortcomings. We opted to return 'laters'.

Back at the game, Herongate had made a good fist of pushing up the run rate. Paramveer had completed a dismal day, proving that his ton at West Peckham was a complete fluke, but The Don had forged a sensible 50 partnership with Wajih, before falling just prior to the drinks break.

Chand briefly flourished, but was then goaded into trying to hit the ball over long-on, with inevitable consequences. Damon and Aftab surrendered cheaply, forcing some rapid buckling of pads in the away dressing room, but Jabs continued his good form, backing another excellent batting display from The Skip, who recorded another fine fifty. 

A flurry of boundaries put an end to Herongate's resistance, with victory achieved by 5 wickets with  several overs to spare. 

25th May -v- Hayes at Barnet Wood Road

Persistent rain during the week and a heavy downpour on the Saturday put our first meeting with Hayes in some doubt. Fortunately the excellent facilities at Barnet Wood Road featured good covers and an outfield that dried quickly.

Mike took charge of team affairs in the absence of Wajih, captaining the side for the first time. For much of the week we were scratching around at 8-9 players, before Jabs came up trumps with two players and the Silver Fox completed our line-up. Making their debuts were Alex Hayter (neighbour/ builder) and Aftab Ahmed, who is apparently related to Jabir in several different ways, some of which i am not sure are healthy. Chand and Don had their usual eventful journey, but we arrived with a full eleven more or less on time.

Hayes won the toss and chose to bat, on a wicket that looked conducive to run-scoring. Moysey and the skip had other ideas, putting Hayes under immediate pressure, with accurate spells. Danglers got the initial breakthrough and was then replaced by Alex. A few looseners later and Alex began to find a rhythm, getting his desserts with a fine slower ball that nipped back to hit off stump. The Silver Fox needed no looseners and was soon dropping it on a length and despite being a little expensive got a deserved wicket. Aftab replaced Alex, completing a good bowling display from the debutants, with a wicket.

Jones batting at 3, was the mainstay of Hayes innings, trading mainly in boundaries, he had a simple technique that was to hit it hard. Although we appeared to be on top, his ability to pierce the infield meant that Hayes recovered from a position of some precarity. He was joined by Hutchinson, who launched a few lusty blows down the ground, enabling Hayes to post a decent score. Spud finally removed the dangerous Jones and then skittled the tail, taking a hat-trick of sorts in the process, with Darren running out the last batsman after the previous two had been bowled. Pick of the attack was probably Mike whose seven overs cost a miserly 9 runs. Hayes innings ended two balls short of 40 overs for 172.

Hayes had done their prematch homework, scanning our website for signs of weakness. They had obviously noticed the portly nature of certain individuals in the team photo and produced a very worthy feast for tea. Good to see Onion Bhajis and Samosas on the menu for the English, but not sure what the pizza slices were all about - we've got no Italians.

Crusaders response was a very solid opening partnership between Jabs and Teacher's Pet Danglers (opening batting and bowling - tut tut). With Jabs playing the aggressive role, making a maiden fifty at just under a run a ball, Moysey was happy to pick off singles. Compared with some of Darren's efforts this one bordered on entertaining, with some of the credit surely going to Wajih for supplying the dubious Kashmiri Villow which allegedly has a middle. There was no sign of the infamous Charlatans Cake Lag as Jabs and Darren happily scampered between the wickets. Jabs finally hoisted one straight up in the air and was caught on the juggle by the bowler, which brought the 'irritating little man' to the crease. Chand played his usual array of shots, unusually the ball actually connected with bat. Hayes stuck to their guns and despite not taking wickets, they managed to slow the scoring rate.

Chand, not surprisingly failed to see the job to a conclusion, caught behind for 28 and was followed quickly back to the pavilion by Don. Thoughts of the famous Crusader folding deck of cards collapse were dispelled by a now rampant Danglers, who finished unbeaten on 88, with victory achieved by 7 wickets with just under 4 overs to spare. Even after two hours at the crease Darren still had the energy to lap Johnny GRRR in scoring the final 3 runs of the match.

It is not often that The Silver Fox graces us with his presence these days, but the prospect of new facilities to road-test was too good an opportunity  for him to miss. Hayes must have been dismayed to see his late inclusion on the teamsheet, becase all was not well in the domestic area. The old dodgy boiler excuse was offered - dear dear !!

Showers apart, Hayes were impeccable hosts, playing the game in the right spirit and we look forward to a return visit next year.   

18th May -v- Belhus at North Stifford

Crusaders slipped to their first defeat of the season, after a close, roller-coaster encounter with Belhus.

On a cold and cloudy afternoon Belhus opted to bowl first, making good use of a pitch that offered a bit of movement and soon had Crusaders on the back foot.

Pommie and Chand found the going tough, with Maidment and Long regularly beating the bat and it wasn't long before Chand was comprehensively beaten. The 'engine-room' of Grrrregains, Morrison and White sadly mis-fired and Pommie perished trying to take advantage of a young child in the field. By this time skipper Wajih had joined us along with the return of Globe-trotter Grant. Surely our fortunes would improve.

In the end it was a 7th wicket partnership between Wajih and Danglers that gave us something to defend. Coming together at 72-6 they added 69, before Wajih perished for an entertaining 57. Nomi had time to swat eight runs from the final two balls of the innings, leaving Belhus 40 overs to reach a target of 150.

Tea was as good as ever with a vast array of sandwiches, salads, pasta and cakes. It seemed a shame to have to go back out and play cricket.

Belhus found the going equally as uncomfortable as our openers, with Moysey beating the outside edge and newboy James hitting the pitch and getting some bounce. The difference was that we did not make the early breakthrough. Excellent spells from Pommie (3-21) and Nomi in the mid section of the innings started to drag the game back in our favour, with the run rate getting up to about 7 per over at one stage, but despite a couple of fine run outs Belhus still had wickets in hand.

A few dashed singles, a couple of poor deliveries from Spud and then Chand came on.

Enough said.

Belhus reached their target with 4 balls to spare.

11th May -v- West Peckham at West Peckham

Crusaders maintained their unbeaten start to the season with a sixty run victory on the idyllic village green at West Peckham.

Skipper Wajih, now in sole charge of team selection kept his cards close to his chest, with little indication of the chosen eleven being published. Last to hear of his position in the side was Vodaphone, who was two-thirds through the reading of Guru Granth Sahib, when a subliminal message was delivered by the tenth Guru himself.

On a glorious day of sunshine we found ourselves batting and a healthy crowd settled in anticipation of some sparkling entertainment. Alas, for the second time, Turgid Taylor was asked to open. Most of the crowd emptied their glasses and left, with those that stayed soon lulled to sleep.

Wajih and Nita perished early and were replaced by new man Paramveer Uppal. At this point myself and Danglers retired to the excellent Swan for pints of Trumpeter. Apparently during our absence this new player showed patience and fine technique in compiling a maiden ton for the club, becoming the first Englishman since Glenn Timms to score a hundred. At the other end Skinny showed great patience, as did anyone who witnessed it.

From the precarious position of 9-2 the score rose to 171, before Pommie's innings ended, with the stand of 162 a club record for the 3rd wicket. Chand and Damon played similarly appalling shots from the last two balls of the innings, allowing Dawson to claim a hat-trick.

On a small ground, it was important that we fielded well and protected the boundary. It was also important that we took chances when they were presented.

Danglers and Spud opened the bowling, with Darren rewarded by an early wicket. Jagdesh, who had briefly toured SE15 via satnav before heading for Kent, dived forward at gully to claim a splendid catch. The opposition skipper waited, not sure if the ball had carried, but when 'The Specialist' was not struck down by a bolt of lightning for falsely claiming a catch, he accepted the decision. The other opener played resolutely for 40, waiting for the loose ball to score his runs, but other than that West Peckham never looked likely to reach their target. Moysey picked up another couple of wickets, while Spud toiled away economically but without a wicket.

Wajih turned to Nomi and debutant Naveed to eek out the middle order. Both delivered the goods, taking two and three wickets each respectively.

With the overs ticking away and the draw still looking a probable outcome, Danglers was re-introduced. There was only likely to be one result - a season long injury for Darren. But - No. Faced with quivering young children, no mercy was shown and soon our hosts were nine down, with Darren claiming a five wicket haul.

The number eleven was in no mood to bat out the draw, playing expansively at everything that was sent down and inevitably he sliced a delivery to Man of the Match Pommie at backward point to bring the game to a close.

4th May -v- Charlatans at Woolwich Barracks

A twelve man Cruasaders squad, assembled themselves at the well known  Woolwich Barracks ground. Johnny G had been bitten by the Cricket bug and came sniffing for a game......with the opposition not sure whether their eleventh man was going to turn up, The Claw was quickly recruited into the Charlatan line up.

In the recent past, the wicket has often proven to suffer from severe cases of variable bounce, and we were now about to put their new square  to the test, this only being the second game to be played on it.

I skillfully lost the toss....and the Crusaders were put into the field.

Great opening spells from both Pommie and Moyse put the Charlatans immediately on the backfoot, with early wickets falling and not many runs being scored.

One or two of the Charlatan batsmen presented some resistance with some bludgenous strikes over the outfield.....but that persistent line and length of Taylor soon brought about their un-doing. An impressive spell from the debutant, Nomi, slowly started to bring the curtains down on the Charlatans innings........a few wickets later brought about the arrival of our very own Johnny-G to the crease....there were obvious mixed emotions amongst the Crusaders team, however that did not stop Mikey Taylor from initiating some friendly fire to remove his fellow team mate.

Chand was introduced into the bowling attack to add a few more runs to the Charlatan's score; with their innings ending for a total of 83.

In true Crusaders form the run chase was made exciting with some interesting strokeplay and questionable shot selection.....wickets fell regularly...and I'm sure there was more than one occasion when the Charlatans fancied their chances of a victory even with only 83 on the board. However, Damon and Pommie saw us home, with Pommie in true Diva form stealing the winning runs from Damon.

26th April -v- Addington 1743 at Coombe Lodge

Crusaders began the 2008 season, with a 40 over match against Addington 1743, with the venue  switched to Coombe Lodge, as the normal home ground was not ready. The ground was close to the Croydon Tramway and the undulating leafy Lloyds Park; the pitch like it's surroundings was particularly green.

Most of the team was assembled twenty minutes before the due start of play, with only the East London Contingent still on the road. Driven by Don and alarmingly navigated by Chand, their journey took in a large swathe of South-West London before they eventually arrived. Stages of the Dhakar Rally have been completed with less incident.

So to the toss..another important one for Wajih to win..nevermind. True to form we were inserted on a very grassy green topper.

Assured of some entertainment Spud happily volunteered to umpire the opening exchanges - he was not disappointed. Addington made good use of the new ball, extracting bounce from one end and some swing from the other. Nita survived a first ball edge, but perished soon after, dragging a fullish ball onto his stumps and Mike followed, playing superbly over the top of a full-toss. What an inspired choice for opener. Matters went from bad to worse, as Wajih and Anand failed to blunt the scorer's pencil.

At 18-4 we were teetering on the brink. Salvation came from Don and Chand, who had obviously had a good deal of time to discuss tactics on their way to the ground. Don played the anchor role, whilst Chand was more expansive. With the two opening bowlers out of attack, scoring became easier and we reached 51 before Chand's 'patience' ran out.

 A downpour briefly halted proceedings, but the Addington skip was hyper-actively keen to get things going at the first sign of blue skies.

Don was happy to play second fiddle to the tail, picking up ones and twos, with Sumo, Johnny Walker and Damon taking a more aggresive approach. Damon played particularly well (i have to put this in because his daughter reads the reports) executing an exquisite cover drive and a glorious cut through the point area. It is a shame he can't run a bit faster.

Improbably we had posted 137 from our 40 overs, which with good bowling and fielding was a defendable total.

Tea - less said the better. Ranks amongst the worst efforts I can remember.

From analysing their scorebook it became apparent that they relied heavily on a couple of players for runs. It was deduced (because we are an intelligent body of men) that the removal of these players for a cheap score would ensure victory. For this deduction to bear fruit we would need to a) bowl well b) catch chances and c) field efficiently. Perhaps this is what I enjoy about the wonderful game of cricket. It is easy to produce a blueprint, but not so simple to put into practice.

Manjit gave us the perfect start,removing one of their perceived stars for no score. Following a delivery that seamed away, one that held it's line went on to hit off-stump. Our joy should have been complete, when Mike's opening delivery - a legside full-toss - was clipped by the other opener to the waiting Nita at square-leg.

A feeling of De ja vous. How many times last year did we drop a chance and find that the recipient of our generosity went on to score big? How many times did it cost us a victory?

Sure enough the opener grew in confidence and the knowledge that Mike was bowling and started to score at a solid rate. He was joined by a less technically gifted player (who was also dropped on nought) and gradually our target was looking like a stroll for Addington.

The turning point was not a wonderful, inspired piece of cricket, but a calf injury that forced Tam to leave the crease. This exposed one of the longest tails since pre-historic days.

 Not having a reliable partner, appeared to put pressure on the opener to force the pace and he eventually used up his 'nine lives', falling to a good catch from Jagdesh off Chand's bowling. Quite why Chand felt the need to tell him to get a lottery ticket I don't know.

 Spud picked up a couple of wickets, both edged to the 'remarkable Man of the Match performing' Damon behind the stumps, who wishes to deny that he was completely surprised to find the ball nestled in his gloves.

Addington's final hope was the returning injured player. The legendary Whale armball sent him back and it seemed an undeseved Crusaders victory was now on the cards. With eight wickets down Addington had reached 135, due largely to some uninspired fielding and some dreadful bowling.

Wajih, having taken the 8th wicket and facing one of the freshest of young bunnies then decided to send down a wide and a head-high no-ball. He had obviously read Glenn Timms's excellent book 'Dealing with Pressure'.

Scores level....Chand bowling....two wickets needed.

A fine catch from Don at slip and a straight one to the embryo number 11 and the game ended in a yawn/thrilling tie.

Most of the opposition had disappeared and there was no invite to a pub. They fleeced us for £35 for three sarnies and a sponge cake split into 22 pieces. Damon took us to a Karaoke Pub full of lovely looking females and assured us he could perform a stutter free version of Mmmack the knife....we remain unconvinced.